How To Deal With Exes Contacting You Around The Holidays, According To Our Matchmaker
It's officially cuffing season, the time of the year when the weather gets colder, and singles start cozying up with short-lived flings to get through those dark and chilly days. As a result, you might notice an uptick in flirty messages on your dating apps or an increase in meet-cute attempts when doing your holiday shopping. Other times, however, wannabe cuffers are people you're already familiar with: your exes.
Yep, that flurry of unexpected wintertime texts from your exes isn't as random as it seems. "When it comes to exes contacting you around the holidays, this is kind of what they do!" Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, exclusively told Glam. "It's along the lines of normal behavior of exes. People get nostalgic around the holidays and this can be so innocent and benign. They think of past holidays when you both were together." So, how should you respond when a former flame slides into your DMs? We asked Trombetti for her expert advice so you can enjoy the holiday festivities without getting distracted by past relationship drama.
A response isn't mandatory
Whether you and your ex ended things amicably or not, you might feel obligated to message back when they suddenly reach out. But according to Susan Trombetti, it's often best to leave exes on read unless you've truly moved on and want to be friends. One way to decide how to respond comes down to how recent your breakup was. "If it's fresh, it might not be a good idea to do more than text back and send good wishes," Trombetti advised. "If it's one of those people that are just looking for a foot back in the door, just don't even respond. If it's just an old SO, and you both have healed, sure, respond and maybe even chat them up and wish them the best."
Trombetti added that you shouldn't respond just to prove you've moved on. "Don't overthink it. Sometimes, it's like obsessing 'OMG, what do they want, what should I say, or should I act like I am so very happy and they missed out'? Just be yourself and know that whatever you feel, they might have obsessed over more when thinking about contacting you," she shared. Overall, Trombetti said, "There is no hard and fast rule" when responding to exes. It all comes down to your personal feelings. If you think messaging back will sour your holiday spirit or trigger painful memories, ignore or block the convo.
Should you tell your current partner?
You received two "Merry Christmas" texts, a "How are you doing?" message, and a "New Year plans??" DM — all from your exes. While you didn't ask to be contacted by these romantic Ghosts of Christmas Past, you may still feel guilty for not telling your current partner about them. Susan Trombetti explained to Glam, "Some people feel honesty is the best policy. I don't always agree you have to tell your partner everything since it can cause insecurities and do more harm than good." If your feelings for your exes are strictly platonic, there's often no need to inform your partner, said Trombetti.
However, the matchmaker notes that a back-and-forth exchange between you and your ex could constitute cheating. "It could be micro cheating, but it's you and your SO that agree what the terms are in this case." In other words, if texting an ex counts as infidelity in your relationship, it's a good idea to ignore those holiday DMs and let your partner know about the messages. If you aren't sure how to define cheating and micro-cheating in your relationship, talk to your partner before hitting "send" to ensure you aren't crossing any boundaries.