What Is 'Cricketing' In The Dating World?
Smartphones — that thing you always carry around and might have an addiction to — have arguably helped our love lives just as much as they've harmed them. Sure, dating apps make it possible to find dozens of matches in mere minutes, and social media helps us connect with our crushes. Yet an ever-evolving set of tech manners (or lack thereof) has also left us with some pretty brutal dating trends. Another to add to the list is "cricketing."
The term was first coined by dating app Plenty of Fish, and as you might've already guessed, it was inspired by the lonely sound of crickets. Specifically, cricketing describes a situation where you've messaged a partner or love interest, only to be left on "read" for far longer than expected. For instance, let's say you and a crush have been messaging back and forth, building up chemistry and engaging in playful banter. Just when you're certain things are going well and the feelings are mutual, they read your last message and ... nothing. No response for days or even longer.
According to data from Plenty of Fish, 67% of singles have experienced cricketing after receiving a text later than they had anticipated. However, just because the dating trend might be common doesn't make it okay.
The effects of cricketing on relationships
There's no need to feel guilty for forgetting to text back, not to mention that some conversations naturally dry up. Still, regularly cricketing partners — who leave you on the receiving end of the tactic — can make it hard to build trust and security in a relationship. "People tend to have anxiety around things that are unknown, so when somebody has a lack of knowledge or they can't really understand the causes of whatever behavior is happening, they're able to construct narratives in their head that are potentially negative," former sociologist at Tinder and Bumble Dr. Jess Carbino, PhD, shared with Well+Good. In other words, it's easy to assume that a significant other isn't really that into you when they go radio silent. Dr. Carbino added, "If you're not responsive, it can look like a sign of disinterest or lack of intimacy, so it's fair to feel anxious about this."
In some cases, cricketing can even indicate that a partner is emotionally abusive. As dating coach and creator of The Awakened Lifestyle John Keegan told Elite Daily, "Keeping your text 'on read' message is a manipulative tactic used to get people to feel off-center. [...] When someone's doing that on purpose, it's because they're manipulative." The result: a relationship that feels one-sided and could even breed obsessive tendencies for the person being cricketed.
How to deal with — and avoid — cricketing
If someone you're dating repeatedly leaves you on "read" for days at a time, it might be time to step back from texting and focus your attention on other priorities and relationships. "Go about your life, because you are important, so treat yourself as such," dating coach Julie Pham suggested to Cosmopolitan. "When you constantly wait around for someone else, you're communicating to yourself and others that you are secondary." If they do finally message back, demonstrate self-respect by either clearly expressing your desire for consistent communication or letting the text go and moving on.
If you're guilty of accidentally cricketing, own up to your bad texter ways and give your dates a heads up. "Take 10 seconds and write the person something like, 'I will definitely get back to you in the next day or so ― just so swamped today,'" couples therapist Carin Goldstein told HuffPost. "The key is to say something that shows that the other person deserves to be acknowledged just as much as you." If there's another form of communication you prefer, such as sending voice memos or talking in real life, let them know that, too, and invite them to chat in different ways. With some simple tweaks, you can keep crickets from ruining your relationships.